Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Big Brother 9 Tonight!

Yo, yo, yo, Big Brother 9 starts tonight people. 9pm.
Below are pictures of the new cast and my thoughts about each one, sight unseen. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well I don't have that much time. Instead I'll give you just a few of my thoughts based 100% on the photo and nothing else.

Sharon: Why do some women feel the need to pluck their eyebrows to the point where they have to draw them back on?
She will probably be pretty smart at the game though. She'll either sleep with someone early on or form an alliance with one of the gay guys. She has potential.

Sheila: Token older mom. Probably has like 5 kids and is married. She's going to hate it in the house and will probably think everyone is against her. Her only hope will be to get into an alliance early.

Matt: Liar.

Natalie: Fake boobs + empty stare = comic gold.

Neil: Is this Zach's doppleganger? Either he's going to be a complete doofus or he'll win the game.

Parker: Love the name. Cute eyes, fun hair. I say he's gonna be one to watch. He'll probably befriend everyone and since he's the only black guy, everyone will feel too guilty to vote him out. I predict some longevity here.

Ryan: Meathead. He will probably be the first one to try and make alliances and in doing so place a huge target on his back. I hate him already.

Chelsia: Ummm, what's wrong with the name Chelsea that she had to go spelling it with an 'ia". What's the deal with the eye liner and fake tan? Is she a Pharaoh? And who's her hairdresser Victoria Beckham? I hate her too.

Jacob: He looks a little scary. I'm gonna predict that he's the stalker or the homophobe from Oklahoma.

James: Oh look everybody, the crazy guy! Lord knows that every reality show needs the nut ball. I predict that this guy will be he first to go. He kinda looks like Ricky Martin on LSD.

Jen: Hey everybody, another Jen. Is there a factory somewhere that makes "Jens"? There's like a million girls out there that look like this fine young lady. I predict that she will play the "sweet, girl next door" role who flirts her way through the game. All the smart girls will hate her.

Joshua: Move over Leo DeCaprio, there's a newer, hotter version of you out there. I'm in love. I'll be texting my vote for sexy Joshuah... ggrrrooowwwllll.

Adam: Ian Ziering called, he needs his look back.

Alex: He's got to be gay right? I don't claim to have gaydar but I mean check out that perfectly quaffed hair, that hoop earing, that pink shirt.

Allison: Soulless.

Amanda: She likes round things and summer breezes. All the dudes will be all over her.

So there you have it, my uneducated predictions for this season of Big Brother. Now let's see how close I came to being correct. Tune in to find out!