Sunday, October 28, 2007

Best Halloween Ever!

This weekend was a blast. Friday Missing Palmer West played at Rex's with The Teeth. They were great. I drank several Rex's world famous Long Island Ice Teas and danced my hiney off. Saturday was Beeps' birthday so he slept until noon and then we went to see Darjeeling Limited (which was just fabulous. We are big Wes Anderson fans.) If you like any of his other films you will LOVE this one!

Afterwards we rushed home to get ready for "the best Halloween ever" as Marc pointed out several times throughout the night. We bought tickets to a party tour that included 4 parties that started at 5pm and ended late night. Drinks and food included. We unfortunately missed the first one but made it to the second one right on time.

The six of us planned ahead and decided on the best Halloween group costume ever.

Behold, Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem:

Some side-by-side fun:

Beeps was Dr. Teeth, Rose was Animal, Krista was Janice, Marc was Zoot, Marc N. was Floyd, and I was Rowlf. When we arrived at Krista and Marc's, we were greeted by Marc's parents Kitty and Skip who proceeded to take several pictures as if we were headed to the prom.

This is Rose and I on the walk to the first party:

At party #1 (which was technically party #2), we ran into the second best costume of the night. Little did we know that this was going to get ugly. Behold, Awesomo:

Me and Beeps:

Awesomo unveiled (I said it was gonna get ugly). He was smashed very early on.

Party #2, my third favorite costume of the night. Andy Reid, complete with accent, Football for Dummies book attached to his clip board, flags ready for the throw, and an authentic Book of Mormon. He stayed in character all night. This party was great, there was a fire pit and plenty of food and drink. Good times.

Awesomo wasn't far behind. Somehow he found part of his costume and put it back on.


Party #3, The Mayhem finally got a chance to perform. Krista and Beeps on keys, me on maraca, and some strange dude on bongos. Around midnight the cops came on a noise complaint. No doubt the cause was the musical styling of the Mayhem.

It's been a long time since I was at a party that got broken up by the police, but frankly it couldn't have come at a better time. I was exhausted and ready for bed. We walked home and called it a night, already brain storming ideas for next year.

For more pictures from the parties our friend Mike has posted some on his My Space page. (you might have to be a friend to see it.)

Today we met up with the rest of the band for brunch at Butterfish complete with complimentary bloody Mary's and mimosas. Guitar Hero 3 also came out today. Beeps picked up his reserved copy and has been at it ever since. Right now he's rocking out to Pearl Jam's "Even Flow".

A nice one to end the weekend.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I'm in Like with Bruce Lee

The other day I was home alone and therefor had complete control over what I wanted to watch on TV. Unfortunately for me there was nothing on. So I spent many minutes just surfing the channels and watching a few seconds of this or that. Until I came upon the Movie "Enter the Dragon" staring Mr. Bruce Lee.
It was on the IFC Channel so there were no commercials and it was uncut.

I never really liked Kung Fu movies even though growing up that was the only thing on Sunday afternoons. And I never watched a Bruce Lee movie, so I thought "what the hey, I'll check it out."

I have to say that I loved this movie.

It was nothing like I expected. It was chocked full of 70s campiness: Afros, polyester, drug use, and bad acting. If you haven't seen it, it's about a martial arts expert (Lee) who is recruited to infiltrate a drug operation under the guise of taking part in an invitational martial arts competition sponsored by Han, the one handed crime boss. And when I say one handed, I mean it, the guy literally has different claw hands that he takes off and on. Anyway, this movie is like a cross between "Dr. No", "Mortal Kombat" (the movie, not the game), and "Shaft". It's good fun, lots of fighting, espionage, and jive talkin'.

Anyway, I recommend it. Plus Bruce Lee is H-O-T hot! There's something about Bruce Lee that I like. I think it's the fact that he's in great shape, knows not to take himself too seriously, and can kick your ass in a millisecond. The guy is just fun to watch. During the movie he makes these mime-like facial expressions that are just hilarious. He's kinda like a vaudevillian ninja.

Apparently the Chinese are massive fans of Lee and "Enter the Dragon" was the only film he made in the US that really turned Americans on to his talents. Unfortunately he died just before its release.

What's funny is that up until about 10 minutes ago, I always had these misconceptions about Bruce Lee. About who he was an how he died. So I'll share some facts that I found interesting.

JDizzle's Fact: Bruce Lee was born in China.
Truth: Bruce Lee was born in Jackson Street Hospital in San Francisco, CA.

JDizzle's Fact: Bruce Lee didn't speak English, thus his movies were dubbed and JDizzle doesn't like dubbed movies.
Truth: Bruce Lee was born here and thus speaks perfect English dumb ass, as well as Cantonese.

JDizzle's Fact: Bruce Lee died of a gun shot wound in a street fight.
Truth: Bruce Lee died of an accidental pain pill overdose under suspicious circumstances. A friend gave him one prescription pain pill for a headache, he went to bed, and never woke up. He died in Hong Kong of an apparent cerebral edema (swelling of the brain). After much confusion and debate, doctors declared the death of Bruce Lee as "death by misadventure."

"Death by misadventure" sounds like something that would apply to the demise of the Scooby Doo gang.

So there you go. Now go out spread the word and rent this movie.

Monday, October 22, 2007

My Doctor Sucks

Today I got an unpleasant dose (pun intended) of the "efficient" American heath care system. I worked in health care (the insurance side) for almost 10 years and I knew it was bad, but geeze, it's actually worse than that, it's embarrassing.

Let me back up this post about 8 hours...

At about 9am I was rushing to get to work and I almost cut the tip of my pinkie off with a serrated Cutco knife. I was cutting a bagel, not paying attention, and SLICE-O, I'm bleeding. I think I screamed every curse word in existence as I stomped around the living room holding Bounty towel after Bounty towel over the throbbing cut. There is no doubt in my mind that I should NOT be a poster child for the intelligence of our species anytime soon. I mean, I've done this before and will probably, ultimately die from a accidental, self-inflicted, bagel blooper puncture wound and then go on to win a prestigious Darwin Award.

Anyway, so I decide to be a good, smart, patient and NOT go to the emergency room. Knowing that the copay at my doctor's is $15 and the emergency room would be $25. This is something I learned from my years in the health insurance business. Many people abuse the emergency room. They go there, even though they don't need to, not realizing that emergency rooms are the most expensive type of care there is. Most people, if they just saw their primary doctor for non-emergencies, could cut health care costs by close to 80%!

So I get on the phone and make an appointment with my Family Practitioner. What does "Family Practitioner" really mean? Well, Medline Plus defines it as: "doctors who have completed a family practice residency and are board certified, or board eligible, for this specialty. The scope of their practice includes children and adults of all ages and may include obstetrics and minor surgery."

Sounds good to me.

I get a 2:15 appointment and head over to see the doc and show him my wound. He takes one look and says: "Looks like you need a tetanus shot and a couple stitches BUT I don't have the facility here to help you. You'll have to go across the street to the hospital emergency room."

WTF? are you kidding me? So now I have to not only pay my $15 copay to you people but now I have to go wait 4 hours in the emergency room and pay another $25 copay over there? I grabbed my papers and headed across the street.

Once there, I apologized to EVERYONE. "I shouldn't be here. So sorry to take up your time. I feel stupid." The woman who registered me was very nice and we had a bonding conversation about how when you were little, your family doc would treat everything from ringworm to warts to stitches. And that today, docs do very little and send everyone to emergency.

I guess because of the risk associated with providing the services outside of a hospital setting. And with the rising price of malpractice insurance I don't blame them. The real victims here are the poor men and women of the emergency rooms that are struggling to treat everyone who walks in the door.

Needless to say, when they finally called my number at the emergency room, they cleaned the wound, stuck some magic glue on it, patted me on the bum and kicked me out the door. (Actually, they were all very nice at Chester County Hospital and did not really pat my bum or kick me.) I was embarrassed though. Emergency rooms should be saved for just that, real emergencies.

Not for bozos like me that can't cut bread.

Friday, October 19, 2007

MPW Show Deets

Be there or be square.


Missing Palmer West with Buried Beds
Nov 10, 8pm.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Liquid Fence

Getting another puppy was an easy decision for Beeps and I. After Old Bluey (a dog we adopted when he was well into his senior years) passed, we knew we wanted to get a dog that would be with us for a while. Leia Darth Maul is a sweet dog. Very independent and pretty. But she's only 5 months old and therefor is in her chewing prime.

Today at work I got a call from Beeps: "That dog has chewed another hole in the deck!" he said. "We can't let her out there again unattended."

I agreed and came up with the bright idea that I would head over to the pet store and pick up some deterrent spray. If you don't know what that is, it's a spray that you put on places where you don't want your pets to go, chew, pee, etc.

So I get to the store and start browsing the isles. A nice store associate senses my confusion and offers his help. He recommends a few selections from the dog section. I explain that I have a puppy who has found our deck delicious. He looks again at the current products and then turns to me. "This stuff is good, but if you want the industrial strength spray, you'll have to come with me."

"Yes!" I said to myself. "That's exactly what I want."

I follow him to aisle 1 and he directs me to the "Liquid Fence", nods, and walks off to help another customer. I pick up the bottle and look at the price: $19.99. Okay, this place is expensive, but this is crazy! BUT I really need to do something to deter her. I look away and place the bottle back on the shelf. So I thought.

I turn to walk away and hear a big SPLAT on the floor behind me. SHIT! It fell. Of course my instinct is to go pick it up, which I did. BAD IDEA. I place it back on the shelf only to find out the hard way that the bottle is cracked and I now have Liquid Fence all over my hand.

I quickly walk away. "What do I do? What do I do? They had to hear that. It was so loud. Crap."

"Wait, what the eff is that smell? It smells like pepper spray mixed with ass? Holy crap, I have liquid fence all over my shoe and my hand."

I look around. No one seems to notice YET. But I NEED to get a spray. I think for a moment and decide to just grab another bottle of the same stuff (One that's not broken) and buy it.

I pretend to examine the variety of dog toys as I systematically wipe my funky hand on a collection of plush toys. "Some customer is going to be pretty upset when they get that toy home to their pooch and the dog won't go near it." I nervously giggle to myself.

I take the bottle up to the counter and HOPE that no one smells me. But what do I care, I'm spending $20 on this stupid thing.

I drive home with every window down because I can't stand my own stench. It was BAAAD, like skunk bad. I smelled like a peppercorn tuna steak gone bad. I bust into the house and immediately wash my hands in the kitchen sink. No dice, I run to the bathroom downstairs and wash, I still stink, I go upstairs and SCRUB with a mixture of Dove and Scrubbing Bubbles shower spray, I reek.

Defeated I head to the deck with the bottle and spray it on the spot that Leia chewed.

She approaches, wags her tail, and proceeds to lick it.

Ugg. Pets.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Happiness Is...

Beeps suggested I open up this post with a passage from Chapter 6 of Hemingway's A Moveable Feast:

"When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself."

We have this chalk board in our bathroom at work. It's a unisex bathroom; we're a small company, only six of us. Every so often someone posts a question on the board and over the next few days or weeks the answers to that question pile up.

This is what the board says today:

"Happiness is..."

(here are the answers in order of appearance)

- A starburst in your pocket

- First snow of the season

- A shiny new haircut

- A for real smile

- A turtle

- A cool pillow

- An ice cold 40

- Bare feet

- Not Oprah

- Negative test results

- A dead bear (I inquired about this one and was told a dead bear is much better than a live bear cause a dead bear can't attack you. Um, okay, makes sense I guess.)

- The antidote

Part of the fun is wondering who said what. I'm sure you can guess mine. And please, feel free to add to the list.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's Show Time!

Beeps' band, Missing Palmer West, has several upcoming shows. Be sure to make room for them in your busy schedule.

Please, no durdles.

Friday, October 26th -- @ Rex’s in West Chester, PA with Philadelphia’s The Teeth -- Kinksian brothers.

Saturday, November 10th -- Milkboy Coffee -- ALL AGES! 8pm 2 Lancaster Ave. Ardmore, PA with Buried Beds who write incredibly beautiful songs.

Saturday, Novemeber 17th --@ Rex’s in West Chester, PA in support of the reunion of The University -- and their very important rock and roll.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Will the F-Ups Ever End?

Now, I try not to get political on this blog. It's not something I want to spend my time ranting about. The truth is that I'm so embarrassed by the president and the administration, that it just makes me too angry and emotional. I want to keep this blog light.

BUT I just read this today and WTF? What does this administration have to do to get kicked out? How much more can the American people take? Does GWB have to personally kick each citizen in the crotch, violently shake their babies, and poison their pets (oh wait, he already did that) to get impeached? Because his actual track record is not doing the trick.

If I effed up this bad at my job, I'd be sooooo fired. And probably would never, ever be able to find another job, EVER!

Is it 2008 yet cause I've about had it.

Friday, October 5, 2007


My High School bud Jim Dodge of Funnyman Jim Dodge fame, just returned from a stand up comedy stint across the midwest. He has since coined a phrase which I plan to incorporate into my everyday vocabulary. Only because there are so many opportunities to put it to use.

Ladies and Gentlemen: The "Durdle"

The Back Story:
"I think my brother coined the term, but I'm not sure. A durdle is basically a white doofus who has a look on his face that just screams 'Duh!.' Southern accents really help, but it's not a necessity. I guess the best visual I can give you is the look on Eli Manning's face after he overthrows a receiver by 15 yards. A big freaking 'Duh!'“

For example:
"There was this total durdle in front of me on the highway, slowing down an entire lane of traffic"


"I work with a bunch of durdles who can't complete the simplest tasks"

So there you have it. I have decided to help him spread the word. You should too.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Now that's a Big A$$ Pool!

This is unbelievable. The largest pool in the world. The South American resort of San Alfonso del Mar in Chile has an artificial lagoon and swimming pool that is eight hectares in size and contains an incredible 250,000 cubic meters of water. Since I'm American, and don't understand the metric system, I'll just have to pretend that I can comprehend its enormity.

I must go here. Now.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Is That Ghost Made of Trash?

Today I was traveling with my boss out to Lancaster for a client visit. The drive is so beautiful. The perfect rural farm setting: rolling hills, corn fields, pumpkins and farm stands. There were horses and cows slowly grazing. The air had a faint farm smell (if you know what I mean) and some fields had sheep and tiny ponies in them.

There were farms everywhere with white washed fences and small blue Amish foot-propelled scooters parked against the houses. We also saw the cutest thing ever, two Amish girls in blue dresses with white bonnets, holding hands and lunch boxes as they ran to their one room school house. The air was warm but crisp and around every turn you could see buggies coming up the road. In several of the fields, the autumn harvest was taking place; teams of four-plus horses pulled machinery that cut corn stalks or turned hay while men in straw hats perched atop to receive and pile the crop. Just a perfect fall setting.

It was almost ruined though, when we pulled up to a stop. I looked to my right and saw a house "decorated" for the Halloween season. They had so much junk in their yard that I wondered:

A. Where they stored it all in the off-season and
B. How much toxic lead the Chinese had infused into the plastic

They had plastic jack-o-lanterns with painted faces, FAKE leaf garland wrapped around their porch railings (why? I don't know because the tree right next to the porch was doing a pretty good job of providing some real ones), Styrofoam tomb stones, and the piece de resistance, white and clear plastic trash bags in the trees and wrapped around the light post. Out of the corner of my eye I thought it was garbage, but I guess they were supposed to be ghosts.

Just in case there wasn't enough wasted and misused plastic in the world, these geniuses thought it would be a good idea to hit Walmart to add more.

Anyway, I guess my point is, why fix what ain't broke? Maybe what you are trying to recreate is already all around you.

Monday, October 1, 2007

No Sleep Till...

This past weekend was a blast. Turkey and I decided to head up to Brooklyn to see some good friends. Miss JenniB (of Take a Chance You Stupid Ho fame) was in town from Singapore on work, and it was a not-to-miss opportunity. Our amazing buds Jeff (of Pop-o-Matic fame) and Seth (of Seth in Brooklyn fame) offered their company and their floor.

Turkey and I were a bit worried about missing the Phillies kick hiney, but thought the sacrifice to see our friends was an easy choice. T-Bone had assured Turkey that I would have the power to make Jeff check on the score for her (because apparently I'm strong), so Turkey was ok about the travel.

We arrived to warm welcomes and spent a couple hours catching up with Jeffe before heading over to Kitty's (of My Husband Hates Veggies fame) and Gary's for an AMAZING dinner. Kitty rocked the yummy "signature drink" of the night; a lemoncello and sparkling wine concoction that tasted delish! And prepared a killer lasagna and arugula salad. Kelly (of Nocturnal Admission fame) and Adam (of Monkey Daemon fame) were also on hand to round out the company.

We then proceeded to finish off several bottles of wine, played a little Robotron, and attempted a game of "Celebrity" before my team "Ladies First" imploded in a fire ball of inadequacy. Who doesn't know who Frodo Baggins is? Seriously! I'll tell you who, my teammates, Turkey and JenniB, that's who.

But I don't hold grudges. And after our 800 to 6 loss, we decided to finish the wine and put it all behind us. Later we walked back to Jeff and Seth's and called it a night.

Be a band...
The next day we headed over to Kelly & Adam's to see their Mediatorium. Which is fab by the way. A perfect medium upon which to watch the Mets embarrass themselves.

Around 3ish Turkey and I hit the road. We would have been out of the city earlier if it wasn't for this drunk biker. If you look close you can see the bottle in his back pocket.

On the way home we listened to the Phillies win and thank goodness Turkey had a rally towel in her car or we wouldn't have expressed our happiness properly.

Thanks to Jeff and Seth for their hospitality, thanks to Kitty and Gary for the yummy meal and for letting me stand in for T-Bone, to JenniB for coming back to the states to brighten our day and for sharing her secrets, to Kelly and Adam for their belly laughs (Kelly we need to talk about JP Morgan - network people, network), and to Turkey for not having a heart attack on the Verrazano bridge. You did good!

Jeff, look for your Revenge of the Sith press kit on ebay, if you want it back, you can bid on it like everyone else.

Ya Snooze Ya Lose

If you haven't heard by now, the Phillies are the new
National League East Champions.

Celebrate Philly-style!
(gggrrroooowwll Jayson Werth!
Is that Heidi from Survivor? Oh right, that's Cole's wife.)


If you are a Mets fan, tough titties your team sucks.