Golden Girls

My sister sent me this email the other day. I found it fairly amusing and she'll probably kill me for posting it.

"Remember the silly conversation at Scott's about a knitting circle? I'd really like to learn how to knit. Would you girls be interested in getting together for something like that?"

Um... how freaking old and boring does she think I am? Ok, I do know how to knit a little bit. I picked it up one winter because I had broken my foot and was bored being trapped inside. Plus, I don't really remember that conversation and I wasn't even drinking that night! I guess I committed to this at some point in the evening.

That girl needs to get married and pop out some kids soon or I'm doomed to a life of collecting cats and crafts.

No, Really?

So as you know, from these posts, I have been obsessed with the Stephenie Meyer book series about teenage love and vampires. Well, the last and final book in the series, Breaking Dawn, comes out on Saturday. And the more I Google it day and night (cause it's an obsession don't forget) I find that I might have to worry about actually just FINDING a book to purchase that day. So I decided to be a smart shopper and reserve my copy at Chester County Books and Music. Now remember that JDizzle doesn't read. Often.

Here is a transcription of how that call went. (Name has been changed to protect the innocent):

Scott: "Hello, Chester County Books and Music, this is Scott, can I help you?"

Me: "Yes, I'd like to 'reserve' a book or whatever it's called. You know, before the book comes out so I can be sure to get a copy when it's released."

Scott: "Sure, what's it called?"

Me: Breaking Dawn

Silence. I think he's typing to look it up.

Scott: "Is that that stupid..."

Me: Silence. My cheeks redden with embarrassment. I think to myself "I know I'm like the only 30-something, happily married woman, reading these novels, but is he passing judgment on my reading selection? Seriously? The guy works the register at the book store and HE'S poo-pooing my novel choice? I mean, I get that I'm not in high school, but maybe I'm buying it for my daughter as a gift instead of buying for myself." (I don't have kids, but he doesn't know that.)

Scott: Silence.

Me: "I think it comes out on Saturday."

Scott: "That's an odd time for a book release."

Me to myself: "Did he just call me a liar? First he craps on my book obsession and now he's calling me out?"

Scott: "Oh, Stephenie Meyer. Got it. And you're right , it does come out on Saturday."

Me: "Great"

Scott: "What's your last name?"

Me: "Smith."

Scott: Laughing "No, really?"

Me: "yes, really." Did he just called me a liar AGAIN?

Scott: "What's your first name?"

Me: I tell him.

Scott: "It will be here for you on Saturday for pick up."

Me: "Thanks."

We hang up. I knew there was another reason I didn't read.

The Cup Bitches

So my work is doing this thing where they are posting weird facts on their website about their employees. I jokingly said I had once touched the Stanley Cup as my fun fact. Which is 100% true. However they asked for proof and also wanted to post the proof on their website. Of course I left out the fact that I touched the cup back in 1988. At lunch today I tore the closet apart removing years of luggage and other debris from on top of my large bin of scrap books and photos. I quickly located the picture and I must admit that the proof was even more amazing than I had remembered it.

So how could I keep this gem from my Townies?

Behold:

Check out the $12 ticket from section 47 for a game against Winnipeg March 26, 1988. And yes, that's Dave Brown's lap I'm rockin.

Check out the perm. I'm sure if my legs had been captured on film, you would have seen the perfectly pegged cuffs. I would have preferred having my pic taken with the love of my life and dream husband, Pelle Eklund, but alas, he was stationed behind some counter in the concession area giving out autographs (which I also scored). So I guess Dave Poulin had to do if it meant reaching the real prize: the cup.

Bus Stop Buddy

Do you think you have what it takes?

The "I'm Not Going Anywhere Near South Beach" Anytime Soon Diet

So Beeps and I decided to lose some weight after lunching with some friends who swore to us that they are doing the South Beach Diet and are losing pounds safely and successfully. It was perfect timing for us. Our fridge was bare of almost all sweets, fruits and carbs (So I didn't need to feel guilty about throwing anything away) and I recently bought a bathing suit/ moomoo to cover my bulges should I happen to brave any type of public swimming situation. Plus, doing it together would be a huge incentive, especially since Beeps likes to snack on all sorts of carbs, chips, cookies, and although I don't often purchase those items at the supermarket, they somehow manage to sneak themselves into the house. Thus I partake.

We are in "Phase 1". This is where you cut out all sweets, sugar, carbs, fruit and {GASP!} alcohol. But I was determined and told Beeps that if he could do it, I could do it. The first week was hard (we started last Sunday) and we survived a friend's 40th b-day as well as the weekend. And we are still carb/ alcohol free. (Man, I'm dying for a glass of wine.) We still have one week to go, and if we made it through one, we can make it through one more.

I'm not sure I've lost any weight tho (Which is surprising since I seem to be eating very little compared to what I used to eat). But the book says you can lose between 8 and 15 pounds in Phase 1. So i'm optimistic. The good news is that I think I'm already a smarter eater overall. I understand the way carbs work and that will help me moderate my intake.

Right now tho, I'm getting a bit sick of eggs, chicken, fish, and veggies. I'm ready for some fruit. That's what I really miss. But after the 2 weeks I can start to introduce fruit back into my diet.

So regardless of whether I lose the weight, I have learned the following:

1. Waking up on the weekend without a hangover is nice and you get so much more done.
2. Club soda with lime is rather refreshing when you're desperate.
3. Watching other people get drunk is pretty funny.
4. The spray version of cooking oils, salad dressings, and butter, aren't as bad as they sound (For the environment tho, now that's debatable).
5. Counting nuts is annoying.
6. Low fat string cheese is an amazing invention.
7. I still don't know what is in those artificial sweeteners, and I never want to find out.
8. Getting old is hard.
9. I'm jonesing really hard for a large Dunkin Donuts iced mocha latte.

And finally,
10. Despite the inhuman amounts of vegetables I have consumed in the past week, I haven't pooped in days.


So that's that. I'll be sure to keep you all posted about the diet in the coming days (as I'm sure you'll be anxiously awaiting my next bowel movement.)

Until then Townies.

New Twilight Trailer

Summit Entertainment has just released another teaser trailer for Twilight. Enjoy.

I'm In Like With Edward Cullen

Sunday I went to dinner at my in-laws'. Beeps' sister Leigh was in from Las Vegas and she asked if I had been reading the Stephenie Meyer Twilight series. As you may have read in my profile, JDizzle doesn't read. I takes too long and in most cases I get 100 or so pages in and put it down never to pick it up again. But I value Leigh's opinion and thought I'd pick up the first novel and see if I liked it. Even tho Leigh warned me that each novel was around 500 pages. "Crap. Even worse." I thought. "But what the hey, she said it was an easy read and the pages would fly by."

Well that was Sunday and today I have about 100 pages left in the first novel. I'm addicted to say the least!!!!

I know I'm probably late on the scene here. Apparently there's a HUGE Twilight following, Stephenie Meyer has reached JK Rowling-like status, and I'm just getting on the bus.

If you are also new on the scene, here's the scoop (and I'll try not to spoil anything):

Imagine you are a high school junior who leaves her Mother back in Arizona to go live with your father, a cop, in the dreary Pacific Northwest.

Now imagine you start your first day of school and everyone is new and mysterious, especially a group of kids who tend to be loners but who are stunningly angelic in their beauty.

Now imagine that the most beautiful of them, a boy named Edward Cullen, becomes strangely infatuated with you. His skin is a translucent marble, his eyes change color from deep onyx to gold, his hair is a disheveled golden-brown, and his gaze is penetrating.

You are also drawn to him; but you don't know why. You befriend him but he hides a dark secret and is battling with his own internal desires that could either bring you closer together or tear you apart.

Now imagine he looks like this:





I'm in total LIKE!

It's like Dawson's Creek meets The Dark Knight. And it's fabulous!

The first novel Twilight is being made into a motion picture that comes out in December and I guarantee that I will be one of the first in line. Here's a teaser trailer. Enjoy.

Missing Palmer West Show

Yo, yo, yo! Check it. MPW is playing Thursday night at The North Star in Spilladelphia. Be there!

Thursday, July 17th @ the North Star Bar in Philly -- 9pm
21+ w/ Refurb, Spiraling, and Effusion 35
www.northstarbar.com

Just a Little Sunny Teaser

September can't come soon enough...

It's Time Bitches! Big Brother 10 Starts Sunday!

Hi everyone. Are you as excited as I am to get BB10 started? No? Well you should be dammit! Cause it's only like the best reality TV show EVER! What other show is filmed live? Is on 3 times a week, and has stick-thin and fabulous Julie Chen as a host? NONE!

If you remember my post back before BB9 started, I did a little thing where I tried to predict the personalities and ultimately the winner without any knowledge of the contestants whatsoever. Well, I'm doing it again for BB10. And I swear to you that I have not read anything about any of these suckers people.

So let's get to it:

This guy's name is Ollie. I'm not kidding. He looks nice enough. By the looks of the color of that shirt and that clean shave, he might be gay. I have a feeling he smells like a mixture of expensive cologne and frappachinos. My prediction is that, although he hogs the bathroom and spends hours primping himself, that he will be liked. However, piss him off and your likely to get a tube of tooth whitening gel tossed at you.


This is Renny (Just like Adam and Kelly's dog). She looks sweet. However, I think she has cancer or alapechia by looking at that wig. So I can't make fun of her until I know for sure. Next...


This here is Steven (said with a southern accent). Ang Lee called, he needs the hat back. He must be from Texas by the look of that shirt and hat (god I'm good). I hate Texas. That's where our joke of a president came from so he already has some strikes against him. As far as I'm concerned, he's a republican redneck with solid and respectable hometown values. BORING!


Meet Jessie. Great name and biceps but he's got kind of a butter face. I have a feeling this guy is gonna be working out as much as I eat chips. Sans shirt of course. I can't complain. He looks like he won't start any trouble and will probably follow the first alliance that comes his way.

Keesha. Hummm, she kinda looks like Kirstin Dunst and Pamela Anderson got caught in a blender. She looks feisty tho, and I like that. She'll be a smart player and the boys will like her; both gays and straights alike.

This chick's name is Libra. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say she was born between September 24th and October 23rd. I have a good feeling about this one. Not only is she a cuttie pattootie, but underneath she's already planning your death.


Here's Memphis. Again, goin' out on a limb: born in Tennessee. This guy's fauxhawk wreaks of attitude. He's gonna start trouble and will probably ruffle some feathers.


OMG! Tammy? Is that you? Wow, it's been what? 11 years since we shared an apartment on Miner street? Geeze you haven't changed a bit. What made you do BB10? How cool, you're so brave. I'm rooting for you sister. It's also great that you changed your name to Michelle for the show to hide your true identity. Nice move. No one will ever know. Have you seen Arlene lately?

This is Angie. How sweet does she look? OMG! I love her. That smile, that cute top. You've just got to have a big brain under that silky hair girl. I'm all over it.


Is this Jane Krakowski from 30 Rock? Cause that would be so cool. She's so funny. But alas, it is not her. This is April. She's taking over where Natalie from BB9 left off: fake boobs, back rubs and desperation.

Brian got caught in a wind storm before this picture was taken. He was very frazzled so forgive him if his hair got a little messed up and his Botox wore off. (get it, cause he looks old) ZING! Brian looks like he will make friends early on. I predict that he will be liked, especially by the ladies. Oh, and any cougars who might be near by. Grrrrooowwwl!


Dan loves hair product and eyebrow waxing. My guess is that immediately following any sloppy food challenge, he will be the first to hit the showers and slap on the L.A. Looks Mega Hold Styling Gel. However, there's a chance there could be a Brian, Memphis, Jessie, Dan 4-way battle royal for the tube. That should be entertaining.


And last but not least... um... wait, was there a mistake? Who's this guy? Seriously BB? I know you always throw in a ringer/ older dude but this is a first. Jerry must be at least 70. Maybe more. Jerry will probably stick around a while because the house mates will think he's a sweet old guy with no spine. Big mistake! My money is on Jerry this year. He's gonna take home the prize, no doubt!

I just hope the emergency nurse on staff, who boldly came to Amanda's rescue last season, knows how to perform an autopsy. This guy's ticker might pop as soon as the house mates unlock the hot tub. I just hope he knows what he's in for.


Well that's it Townies. You'll have to tune in Sunday night at 8pm to see which one of my predictions are correct.

Oh, an one more thing. I predict that the twist this year is that 3 of the house mates have at least one STD. That should make for good TV.

Scratch It Off The Bucket List, I've Won an Arte y Pico!

Dr. Zibbs over at That Blue Yak has just awarded me an Arte y Pico award. How great is that? Although I'm sure it's just a ploy to get me to promote not only the Arte Y Pico blog, but also those of my blogging friends. Anyway, I think it's an honor and so I have decided to spread the love and give out some of my own "Picos" (as I like to call em.)

1. Pop-O-Matic - This fellow WCU grad and long-time drinking buddy now has a great life reviewing toys for money and sitting around a firepit. He also writes a very lighthearted and viewer-engaged blog. So visit often and put in your two cents.

2. Take a Chance You Stupid Ho - Party girl with a cutie-patootie haircut, moves half-way around the world, meets new people, tries new things, comedy ensues.

3. I Have Nothing to Say About That - Somehow we end up writing about the same stories and seem to have the same experiences at the same time? Oh yeah, she's my sister and lives one town over so I think I have to give her props.

4. Monkey Daemon - One of the first people I knew to have a blog before blogging was cool. Guy works for Reuters so he gets most of his news before the rest of us. This blog is filled with pop culture and homemade stop-motion movies.

5. Songsmith - My hubbie's blog. Songwriting is harder than you think. Well, GOOD songwriting anyway. Learn from the master.


Now here's the info for the winners:

1) Pick 5 blogs that you think deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award which is here: Arte y Pico

Songsmith

Heads-up Townies!

Stop the presses, hold on to your hats, add it to your favorites, there's a new blog in town: Songsmith is the newest creation by the main squeeze of yours truly. Be sure to read it often as I'm sure it will change the way you think about songs and song writing. Or it will at least waste a few more minutes of your time each day. Enjoy.