Lady J

Back in February Beeps threw me a B-Day party. Unbeknownst to me, he asked everyone to bring a poem to read. It was very cool. Everyone said cool stuff and I actually shed a tear. One visitor (Matt C.), who found out about the party at the last minute, was unaware of the poem requirement. He was very upset about not knowing because he actually IS a poet. I don't mean a part-time poet, he's the real deal. As long as I've known him, he's been composing poetry and songs. He has volumes of stuff. All of it good.

On Saturday night at the MPW show, he gave me a 3 page hand-written poem that he had written after the party. Turns out he was pretty upset that he didn't know about the poem thing and he wanted to give me one.

It might seem a bit narcissistic, but I'm going to post it here anyway. I assure you, this is more about the gift and the writer than me. So I hope you enjoy. (Warning, there are some bad words, but it's art right? So don't be offended.) And a big thanks to Matt for all the kind words!

Lady J

She is Jess!
She never bores!
She walks a world apart from
The usual pretender snoot gals you see
Their beauty falling fall short,
Their humors wither in shame

She is Jess!
She never bores!
Jess unfurls a visual funk parade
'Neath Survivor bandanna
Whilst twistin' that Bop-it in double-time, man

She is Jess!
She never bores!
Whilst you, possibly me
Fumble to please
Jess so effortlessly is the pulse of the party
Peep how she propels party people to
Pop plenty of precious platitudes.

She is Jess!
She never bores!
The five (other) men she'd meet
In heavenly sexy time bliss
By kind permission of American$tyle
Her swinger partner 'round the town:
Richard Dean in a bed made of
Deodorant, duct tape, lint and fruit roll-up orange;
Pelle "The Belly" Eklund, squint-eyed pot-bellied mild-mannered
Freak of Swedish nature, now lost to the obscurity
Of a peyote-induced penalty kill of the soul;
James Franco, I presume, erstwhile hotaholic
"Freaks and Geeks" in peak physique actor slash star
A.K.A. Green Goblin, Jr., A.K.A. James (not Richard) Dean pretender to the throne;
The other two are Rowan Atkinson and Michael Rosenbomber.

She is Jess!
She never bores!
She's down with everything you are
And dances past your trends before you've even discovered them
Go back to Hicksville, Leroy, you ain't got a chance
For a glance, let alone a dance
OK maybe a glance, as I wax poetic I shellack the truth
The perfect woman, no one can't not compare - to her I say
"Follow your dreams, rare bird!
Our dreams were already realized by you eons ago."

She is Jess!
She never bores!
J. Dawg doesn't just talk dirty
She walks it, and manufactures the shit
Lady J can out-raunch and overbelch the boys
Any night you like and any day you pick, you prick.
Ask Jess, Ask Jess, everybody does
For Jessie is always right
And you'll always need a few minutes to figger out
Where you went wrong. So sit down.

She is Jess!
She never fucking bores!!
See how she nicks that Stevie competition with ease
And while you're still busy tying your shoes, Jess has
Already played two more rounds of the Wampa Jenga
Patriotic and true, and befriender of Steve H.
But only when her parents are out of town

She is Jessie!
She rocks!
Makes us talk, makes us think
Makes us wanna scoot to the bar for another Golden Monkey drink
I've seen it so many times, Jess makes any happy hour ecstatic
Attend one of her parties & be tractor beamed yanked back all year long
JPS, in fullness of effect, yo!
I found this item on her Internet Movie Database profile:

JPS
Think Terri Hatcher
Imitating Kim Delaney
Acting like Marilyn Monroe
In an ecstacy-fueled perfume commercial
Chock full of costume changes
And blissed - out kinky booty beats.
Yeeeaah!

She is Jess!
She can't be stopped.
(and why would we want her to?)
Why, American$tyle just walked in the room
w/ second thoughts about her "5 people in Heavenly Sexy Time Bliss List"
The talented husband, with his uncanny Tobey Maquire visage
Stands on the coffee table, and begins to sing to Jess.
What he sings is "I Only Drop Trou For You"
Because she's the best, guys! And devoted and true.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
It would be most unfortunate (for you)
If you left here tonight without this insight.
Aah, it's true. She is Jess.
Beauty, Brains, Ballsiness and Betterment for ALL!
But NEVER BORING!!
For she is Jessie!
...So pass me the beer nuts.

Hand Made Stuff

Hey all, My mother-in-law Gracie sent me a link to this site www.etsy.com. It's a place where crafters from all over the world can sell their stuff. You can either buy or sell all sorts of things. But the catch is they have to be hand made. Kinda like Ebay for hippies but without the bidding (cause you know hippies are too stoned to remember A. what they posted and B. what they bid). There's cool jewelry and pottery, paintings, sculpture, furniture. You name it. And most of it is very affordable. I've been playing with it a bit. So far my favorite item is this:

Chicken Poop, the CD single by Dennis and the Foul Pluckers

The description can be found here. Here's an excerpt:
"Chicken Poop is a song with a message. In this song, many years ago when he was just a boy, clean lakes and rivers were our pride and our joy. But now the very waters that were so pristine have started smelling funky and turning green. But we can tell what is causing that smell... its all the Chicken Poop!"

And it's only $6.95. A real bargain.

If you find anything weird, fun, pretty, cool. Please let us know.

Saturday Night Live

Last night Missing Palmer West played at Rex's here in Dub-C. It was a great show. The sound was actually good this time (you could hear Beeps singing), the playing was fab and many friends and fans were representing. Even Steve and Kevin (who coincidentally are Hometown Hangover super fans) flew all the way out from Los Angeles, California for the show (Eat that Dom and Shannon).

Thanks for coming out all. Here are some fun pics.

Before I end this post I'd like to give you something to ponder. Steve read this bit of wisdom on the men's room wall:

"Dry Idea is the Black Sabbath of deodorants"

Think about it.

MPW Band Photo

Okay, okay, I know, this is getting out of hand. But I just had to post this new band picture from Missing Palmer West. Who coincidently are playing at Rex's this Saturday night. Details mentioned here. Be there or be square.

Simpsons Work Pic

For my boss' birthday we decided to create him a unique card. Borrowing from yesterday's Simpsons avatar mania, we each Simpsonized ourselves. Then Scott placed everyone in a photo of the courtyard outside of our building. We all signed it and gave it to Eric today. I cried with laughter. This Simpsons thing is too fun!

My Simpsons Avatar

You can go to the web site for the new Simpsons movie and create your own avatar. Here's mine.

Check me out.
I'm too cool for Springfield.

Happy Birthday, Make-Believe Husband

Today is the 46th birthday of my make-believe husband Martin L. Gore of Depeche Mode. Martin and I have been make-believe together for over 20 years now. We make-believe met in high school and have been going strong ever since. King Friday and Queen Sara helped me plan a surprise party for him at the Castle in The Land of Make-Believe. Don't make-believe tell him.

Meow meow kitty, meow meow.




Happy B-Dude Martin!!!

Fug Hunt

Way back at the beginning of the summer, my family went camping at our cabin in Forksville, PA. While there, a bunch of yard sales were happening. Beeps, me, my sister and her boyfriend decided to hit up a few of them. Our mission was simple; find the ugliest, cheesiest, most bizarre item and buy it.

Brent found this awful brown plastic monk/ gnome thing, Sam found this plaster half egg with a lighthouse painted on it, and I bought a plaster bust of George Washington. We decided to return to the camp and strategically place them around my parent's cabin. Slowly Mom started to find them. The egg was on the kitchen table (seems obvious but it took her a while to find it), the monk was on the side table (Mom actually liked this one and kept it, I have no idea why), and GW was hidden upstairs by the bedside.

Obviously the egg and GW had to go, so we set up the egg in the middle of the yard and decided to try and break it with a sling shot. (okay, remember, we're camping, there's not much to do there except drink beers and eat, so you have to make your own fun.) After about 4 hours of off and on trying, we finally managed to break the darn thing. Slingshots are hard, don't let Bart Simpson tell you different. Anyway, having destroyed the first item, it was on to George Washington. As we were setting him up, my Mom and Dad both strongly objected, as if GW
was the Virgin Mary clutching a baby Jesus or something. "You can't shoot George Washington!" she shouted, "Blasphemy!"

We sadly agreed and GW was spared. Shortly after, GW went missing and Mom told us that he had been hidden somewhere in our cabin. We searched high and low until right before leaving Sam found him in her glove box. Well you get the idea of what happened next, from then on it's been a game of back and forth between my parents, my sister, and me.

Last time we were in Jersey for my niece's b-day party, Sam hid GW in my Mom's house. This morning, I go outside to take the dogs out and notice a tiny armless man peering at me through the flowers in a potted plant next to my door. It was GW himself in all his fug glory.

"It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company." - George Washington

Who wants crabs?

This weekend was fun. Saturday my parents came up from Jersey and brought a big bushel of crabs with them. My sister, her boyfriend and a couple of friends also came over to partake. We chowed down on crabs, drank many, many beers, and then played some serious guitar hero. Here are some pics. Enjoy.

K9 to 5

I left my job of ten years last November and took a job closer to my house. 1 mile from my house to be exact. The new job has been great. The company is small, only 6 of us, my boss Eric is passionate, he actually gives a crap about the work and the employees and he believes in the product.

The perks are fun too. We have Beer Fridays where after 4pm we can partake in a cold brew or two, and Eric is pretty flexible if you have to leave early or take off. But the best perk came on Friday when he let me bring Joe to work. She was a big help. She served coffee, went on a bagel run, and made copies. She even helped me reorganize the supply closet. Some interns can't even do that. Now we just have to get her a title and a box of business cards.

Mother London

This has got to be one of the coolest business web sites I've ever seen. Mother is a design/ ad/ architecture firm in the UK but you wouldn't know it immediately by their site. Take some time to explore the space. It's huge and you can click on most items. The employee bios are hilarious and so are the descriptions of the items on their desks. Click on the dog to see his profile. There's also a map feature that allows you to jump from place to place. If you uncover something fun, tell us where to find it. Props to them for being different.

Enjoy.
http://www.motherlondon.com

Marlon Marathon - Julius Caesar

I loved this movie. As you know, I don't like to read. So reading, let alone watching Shakespeare, just makes my armpits sweat. Luckily we had the good sense to put on the closed caption so dumb me could read along while watching.

I was shocked to discover that not only did I know what was going on, but that I actually appreciated the prose! I giggled at the comedic lines and was moved by the beauty of the imagery that other lines produced. Seriously, that Shakespeare knew what he was doing. Someone should tell people about this guy.

Well let's get on with it. Julius Caesar was made in 1953 and stars Marlon Brando as Marc Antony and James Mason as Brutus. Brando is way HOT in this film. I'm not joking, that man is just beautiful. Even if you are scared of the Shakespeare mumbo jumbo, just rent this movie, turn down the sound, and watch Brando. Although you'll have to fast forward through about 1/2 of the movie to get to his scenes.

I'm sure you all know the story of Julius Caesar. This guy Cassius wants Caesar out of power because he's becoming too powerful. So he bands together a bunch of other senators with the same idea. Cassius also tries to convince Brutus, Caesar's long-time loyal friend, to plot with him. Brutus resists at first but is eventually lured into the scheme when Cassius fakes some letters from the people of Rome expressing their dislike of Caesar.

Anyway, they plan to kill him in the Senate. Caesar gets wind of this plot in the form of a soothsayer and his wife who has a terrible dream about his death. He doesn't listen, goes anyway, and gets stabbed to death.

"Et tu Brute?"

FINALLY Brando is on: So Brando plays Antonius (Marc Antony) who is good buds with Caesar and very loyal. He's pissed about the murder but fakes his loyalty to the senate. He asks to speak to the mob that is gathering outside the senate to calm them and reassure them that it was for the best. Brutus agrees and Antonius delivers an amazing speech over Caesar's corpse that enrages the crowd and causes them to rise up. That'll show em.

Then there's a war where Antonius and Caesar's adopted son Octavius fight Brutus, Cassius and the other bad guys.

"Great Caesar's ghost!" Okay, the line's not in the movie, but I wanted to say it anyway. So Brutus sees Caesar's ghost in his tent and freaks out. Brutus and his army are doomed shortly after and fall victim to a well-orchestrated ambush by Antonius' men. Both Brutus and Cassius impale themselves on their own swords. Cool.




The End.


This movie was well-acted, had modest but lovely sets, was directed beautifully, and of course, gorgeous Brando. A must see for Shakespeare or Brando fans.

We give it 3 1/2 marbles out of 5.

Next up: A Streetcar Named Desire (My favorite!)

Meat Sugar, Caffeine, and Bile!

Beeps and I were enjoying a Red Bull yesterday on the way to the Decemberists show, and we had that moment that most Red Bull drinkers have: "What is Taurine anyway? There's no way it's good for you."
Well now our questions about the Red Bull ingredients are answered thanks to Wired.com. It's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Enjoy.


Glucose
Like most popular soft drinks, Red Bull is largely sugar water. But don't count on its glucose to "give you wings," as the ad says. Multiple studies have debunked the so-called sugar high.

Taurine
Also known as 2-aminoethanesulfonic acid, taurine was originally isolated from bull bile in 1827. Now made synthetically, it is the magical elixir said to bring out the kitesurfing extremophile in any Web-surfing nerd. Taurine's actual effects, while not as drastic as the hype, are pretty wide-ranging, even from the amount found in a single can: Not only is it an inhibitory neurotransmitter (in some cases acting as a mild sedative) and an age-defying antioxidant, it even has the potential to steady irregular heartbeats.

Glucuronolactone
Internet rumors claimed this was a Vietnam-era experimental drug that causes brain tumors. Luckily, that's not true. But don't crumple up your tinfoil hat yet — hardly anyone has looked into exactly what this stuff does. So little research has been done on glucuronolactone (and most of it 50 years ago) that almost all information about it is mere rumor. Users generally believe it fights fatigue and increases well-being, but that could turn out to be bull, too.

Caffeine
Ah, here are Red Bull's wings. All the things this drink is supposed to do for you — increase concentration and reaction speed, improve emotional state, and boost metabolism — are known effects of this white powder, a distant cousin of cocaine.

Niacin (niacinamide)
Also known as vitamin B-3, niacin increases so-called good cholesterol (HDL) by preventing the formation of triglycerides, making it a terrific cholesterol drug. Unfortunately, there isn't enough niacin here to have this benefit. And it's not even pure enough to give you the mild head rush dubbed the "niacin flush."

Sodium citrate
Commonly used as a preservative in soft drinks and spreadable cheeses, sodium citrate also helps convert glucose into lactic acid during exercise, producing a measurable effect on athletic performance. In at least one test, it shaved an average of 17 seconds off a 5K run.

Inositol
A carbohydrate found in animal muscle (sometimes called "meat sugar"), inositol is turning out to be a wonder drug that significantly reduces depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and obsessive- compulsive disorder. It might even be what makes whole grains effective cancer fighters. Instead of being a bit player in Red Bull (you'd need to drink as many as 360 cans a day to get its benefits), inositol probably deserves a drink of its own.

Ford: Mustang or Model T?

I'm sure you've heard by now that Harrison Ford is reprising his role as the globe trotting, Nazi fighting, artifact saving, archaeologist in the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones series (This picture is actually from the set of the new film, yet to be titled). It's due out May 2008. Harrison Ford celebrated his 65th birthday on Friday and now people are questioning his ability to be the sex symbol/ action star that he was in 1989's "The Last Crusade".

What do you think? Can he pull it off?

Does Harrison Ford still have what it takes to be Indiana Jones?
	You bet, I can't wait for this film!
	No way, he should hang up his hat!
	I don't care either way. Where's Shortround?
Free polls from Pollhost.com

There's No "I" in Family

Sorry about the delay in posts. This weekend was a busy one. Thursday Beeps and I went to Doc Macgrogan's oyster house and had some delicious food and then met some teacher friends for drinks at Vincents after. There I managed to get good and drunk thanks to Billy the bartender who just kept filling up my wine glass. So needless to say Friday at work I was pretty much useless although we did manage to get out 4 proposals.

Friday night Beeps and i just chilled, played with the pooch and went to bed early. Saturday was fun. I went shopping for b-day gifts for my nieces and nephew in preparation for a Sunday b-day party. Saturday evening we met up with Beeps' family at his parent's house. We had delicious pizza and some yummy wine. Beep's sis Leigh was in town from Vegas with her son Max. He likes money.




Sunday my sister Sam and I headed down to Jersey to meet up at my Mom's house. She was throwing a b-day party for my niece Meg who turned 17. It was a tea party. How cool is that? Her friends came and my mom made lots of sandwiches without crust. We drank tea and ate cookies and whatnot. It was fun. My mom also gave me a painting that she did of our dog Joey. It's awesome!

This is my niece Sadie. Way cute right?









Then it was back to dub see where I changed into a new outfit, took a quick "tops and tails" sponge bath, and headed back out the door to see the Decemberists at the Mann. It was great. We just got back and I'm exhausted. The show was amazing. The band played with the Mann orchestra. Just beautiful stuff. Good times. Beeps bought a print at the show that we plan to get framed. It's really nice.

Now I'm going to go to bed. Later.

Philadelphia, a good place to kill folks

This came from my good friend Heather who was entertained and a bit outraged by this use of technology. As most people know, Philadelphia has the highest murder rate among the 10 largest cities in the U.S. The Philadelphia Inquirer has decided to make an interactive map about it. Now you can see for yourself not only who was murdered, but where murders have happened and how.

Just what our founding fathers would have wanted.

Missing Palmer West - Live Show

Be there or be square.

Leo Did It

I stumbled across this the other day while trying to find a Phil Hartman skit. You know the one with Tonto, Frankenstein and Tarzan? If you know where i can get one, let me know.

Anyway, this has got to be one of the best skits ever. If you are a Twin Peaks fan, this is comic gold. Enjoy.

Introducing Miss Leia

It's official, our new pooch has been named. Thanks to everyone for voting. It was close but a clear winner emerged. Snake Pliskon came in a solid third. Sorry Kook.

Behold Leia Darth Maul Smith:

Saving Lives Since 1939

My Grandfather Roy was a lifeguard in Ocean City, New Jersey in 1939. He passed away a few years ago. A photo of him hangs in a restaurant on the boardwalk called Bob's. They have pictures of all the lifeguard squads who ever worked in Ocean City hanging up. It's pretty cool. My Nana knows it's there but hasn't had a chance to visit to see it. (She lives in upstate PA and is 86) So Beep's and I went to get some pictures to send to her.



If you are ever in Bob's at 16th street on the boardwalk, look at the picture of the 1939 Lifeguard squad and you'll see Roy.

Handsome guy right? Now you know where I get my good looks.

All I Need is an Excuse

Check it out. A brand new video from Missing Palmer West.

Enjoy.

Sexy at 60!

I'm back y'all. Sorry about the delay with the posts but Beeps and i took a mini vacation to the Jersey Shore. Sea Isle City to be exact.

We spent some time with Beeps' parents who have a beautiful house on the bay. They took us to dinner, they let me watch Big Brother 8, and they watched our pooches when we stepped out. Thanks guys!

On Saturday night we met up with our good friends who were staying about 9 blocks away. They were throwing a 60th b-day party for their Mom Kitty. Here are a selection of pictures. Dave cooked up a wicked good meal, Kitty and Skip got toasty, and then there was some incident about a cake mix up. But I won't go into details. It's best forgotten.

More fun pics to be posted in the coming days so stay tuned.

Marlon Marathon - The Wild One

"Let's drag for beers."

That was about the best part of this Brando film. Made in 1953, The Wild One is a story about two rogue motorcycle gangs who take over a small town in who knows where. Early in the film, Johnny (Brando), the leader of the Black Rebels Motorcycle Club (BRMC), steals a second-place trophy from a motorcycle race. There's some poorly placed sub story about this trophy and him being a "fake" and that he'll never amount to anything, yada, yada, yada.

Then there's this accident in town where one of the BRMC dudes gets hurt and the entire gang has to wait around until he gets his ankle fixed. So the BRMC gang hits "Bleekers", the local bar/ diner where they proceed to get good and drunk and Johnny meets Kathy, the waitress and daughter of the town Sheriff. Kathy's the typical 1950's heroine who can't help herself, stuck in this small town, waiting for prince charming and whatnot. Plus no one listens to her. Johnny of course falls for her and in his nonchalant, I could care less about you, way.

To make a long story short, all hell breaks loose because Kathy's Dad, the sheriff, is a drunk and can't really do his job. The gangs start fighting and looting and peeling out and whatnot. Then the town gets a posse together, Johnny is hit in the head with a tire iron and he crashes his motorcycle into an old dude and kills him. Finally some real police show up, kick ass and take names. Predictably, Johnny is a victim of circumstance, they arrest him, and just like 1950's justice, they hold some kangaroo court in the town hall. Of course he says nothing in his defense because he's brooding, and no one listens to Kathy, cause she's a girl. And so they are ready to put him away when some other guy comes to his rescue, blah, blah, blah. Then he gives Kathy his trophy that he stole.

The End.

We give it 2 1/2 Marbles out of 5.

Although Brando was hot.. uh, I mean great, the story was bad and poorly constructed. Plus the editing was careless; strange shot transitions, stunt doubles that looked nothing like Brando, and fake "filmed in front of a screen" motorcycle riding scenes.

Next up, "Julius Caesar"

Name That Pooch

Beeps and I have narrowed down our name choices for our new dog. Now we need your help.

What name do you prefer for the pooch?
	Leia
	Lula
	Darth Maul
	Shadow
	Pistol
	Dr. Moreau
	Coal
	Snake Pliskon
	Roxy
	Pam
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Strangers in the Night

So, I like astronomy. I got a telescope as a Christmas gift a couple of years ago, and it's been so much fun. Last night was one of those moments that geeks like me live for, a conjunction of planets. Low in the western sky, Venus and Saturn were within less than a degree of each other. So close that through my wide angle lense, I could see the crescent shape of Venus and the rings of Saturn at the same time.

The two will be together for a few more nights. By Tuesday, July 3rd, the gap between the two planets will have widened noticeably, but now they'll be side-by-side, with Venus on the left, Saturn on the right. But look fast because they will quickly be swallowed by twilight and then fall below the western horizon. Saturn will not be seen again for many months.

But there is another Skywalker.

The ruler of the summer sky is Jupiter, and my favorite planet. He can be found by locating the brightest object in the southern sky. Even those of you in Brooklyn will be able to see him. Through powerful binoculars or a small scope you can easily see the four Galiliean moons, Callisto, Io, Europa & Ganymede.

Enjoy.