Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tips to Avoid Arrest

So I have this thing for shows about justice. Judge Judy is my favorite but i must admit that Cops is growing on me. I guess it helps that it's on about 3 channels all day every day. So I've set TiVo up to tape them so i can skip the commercials and enjoy a straight 20 minutes of unadulterated justice.

Being a cop sucks. Being a law breaker sucks if you get caught by the cops. I've watched enough episodes so far that i think i can pretty much tell anyone how they can stay out of jail. So here goes,

JDizzle's tips on how to stay out of jail:

1. Don't do drugs. Or if you do, don't take them in your car or keep them in your pockets.
2. If you are driving, make sure you have a valid driver's license, registration, and insurance.
3. Cops will pull you over for minor traffic infractions for the chance to search your car so make sure you signal when turning, that you have no lights out, and that if you are drunk, make sure you turn your lights on when you drive at night.
4. If you are buying drugs, don't do it from someone you don't know and don't buy them from the projects. Chances are you are under surveillance.
5. If you are gonna fight with your spouse, don't hit him/her. And if you do, put on a shirt.
6. Don't carry concealed weapons. That will get you shot.
7. If you do get pulled over and you have something to hide, make sure you have a good, well constructed sob story to tell. i.e., just came from a funeral, Dad's in the hospital, etc. But know your story in and out! Cops can sniff out a lie.
8. If you have been in jail and are on parole, don't violate it. (Okay sounds easy right? People are morons and do this.)
9. Don't get into the car with, or hang with, anyone who meets the above descriptions.

If you are stupid enough to get caught,
1. Don't resist arrest. You will get your ass kicked.
2. Don't engage in a high speed chase. They always end badly.
3. Don't run and hide in the woods, a police dog WILL find you, it won't be pretty, and you can kiss your pants goodbye.

Well that's all i can think of right now, but i'm sure there are more. Please let me know if i missed anything. Hopefully my tips will keep you out of jail and your face off of Cops.