Only Like The Best Christmas Ever

This is like my dream Christmas: a cabin getaway with about 10 friends, sledding, skiing, snowball fights, dinner parties, booze, tree decorating, 80's bangs, love triangles, and George Michael in total denial.

Merry Christmas Townies!

So, I'm Pretty Sure I'm Gonna Get My Boobs Cut Off

Howdy Townies. If you are a regular visitor to this blog you might know that I usually share all my secrets no matter how embarassing or weird or offensive. Well this post is no different. You see, for the past, oh, I dunno, 25 years or so, I've had giant cans. I think I had boobs in 3rd grade. Much to the delight of the boys in my class, 4th grade, and up. I hated it. I was teased, grabbed, objectified, you name it. I was always a Tom-girl. I played sports, was a fast runner, I could keep up with the boys. But before you go "boo-hoo, poor Diz, she's got boobs that lots of girls get implants to achieve." I must assure you that mine are not your typical pinup, implant, perkiness. Mine are o'natural: pendulous, stretched, and heavy. I have indents on my shoulders from my giant boulder holders, I have cronic back pain, running/ jogging is out of the question, if I do work out, I have to wear 2 sports bras to WALK on the treadmill. URRG! I've had it!

So what's next. Well, I'm not getting any younger, and I'm sick of never being able to find a bathing suit that can contain and support the girls. I know MANY girls who have had reduction surgery with lots of success. Everyone I spoke to does not regret the surgery one bit. So I did it. I finally made an appointment with a plastic surgeon to see if I was a good candidate for surgery.

I was so nervous as I waited for Dr. Kim to come into the examination room. There I sat topless with a pink paper vest on that opened in the front. I was sweating like crazy. I guess because I had never really shown the girls to anyone I wasn't intimately involved with. And this was a stranger. To my delight Dr. Kim was great, all smiles, and very professional. It was a little awkward when he lifted by breasts one by one to judge their weight and to decide how much tissue he could remove.

He concluded that I was a good candidate and that the surgery would most likely "change my life." I'm sold! Then he explained the surgery (which let me tell you, is a little graphic. Google it if you want to know how it's done), showed me before and after pics of other ladies (and gents believe it or not) who had the surgery. I couldn't believe the size of some of the boobs in this book. I mean down to yer knees boobs! It was crazy. I felt small compared to some of these ladies. But the after results were stunning and I left the office convinced that I could go through with it.

In order to have the surgery covered by your insurance company (because some companies will consider the surgery cosmetic and not medically necessary), you need to meet certain requirements like breast size, health issues, shoulder indents etc. and have a supporting letter from your primary doctor before you can schedule the surgery. Dr. Kim didn't think I'd have any problems getting covered. He sent his letter, my nudie picture (he took from my neck down - I'm sure the mailroom at IBX had a good laugh at those) and my primary docs letter to the insurance company. Now I had to wait (up to 6 weeks) to hear if it would be covered.

I waited 3 weeks and I got a letter. I opened it with delight only to find that the surgery was denied. Now I don't know if you ever saw that Michael Moore movie about the US Healthcare system, but he makes it pretty clear that insurance companies make a habit of refusing surgeries just to save money. This letter was very generic and said nothing about why I did not qualify. I was pissed! Did they not even read the letters? See the giant boobs in the picture?

So I spoke with Dr. Kim's nurse today who couldn't be nicer. She actually spoke to the insurance company and they told her the denial had to do with the amount of tissue that was going to be removed. I'm confident that this can be rectified. And now I wait to hear whether I need to come back in for another consult with Dr. Kim, or if a phone consult will do. Then another round of submissions and another few weeks of waiting.

So I'll keep you all posted on what happens next. I'm trying not to get too excited just in case I get a big fat "NO" again, but I just can't help but think about the relief, the comfort and the mental and physical weight that will be lifted once I have the surgery.

Wish me luck.

Poor Kid

Wow, I'm kinda speechless on this one "Cake Request for 3-Year-Old Hitler Namesake Denied".

Yikes, look at what they named his sisters!!!! Is this for real????

And I don't believe that the parents are :

1. Not racist
2. That naive
3. Voted for Obama
4. Making a profound cultural statement
5. Named his kid Hitler because "no one else in the world would have that name"

I say, good job Shop Rite, I applaud you. Let Wal-Mart do your dirty work.

New Morrissey Album Art

The artwork for Morrissey's new ablbum Years of Refusal has just been released. The album is set to come out Feb 16th.

I love me some Morrissey, but I'm not sure what the point of this image is. That baby is cute as all get out. Maybe it's his secret surrogate spawn.

What do you think?

Drunk History

Have you guys seen these? Maybe I'm a little behind the times, but this shiz is funny. Beeps and I watched them all the other day with tears streaming down our faces. This guy Derek Waters interviews his friends about historical events while they are extremely intoxicated and then sets the audio to live action with real stars like Michael Cera and Jack Black. Hilarity ensues. There's like 5 of them so be sure to check them all out on Funny or Die. Here are episodes one and two.

See more Michael Cera videos at Funny or Die

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Epic Jedi Battle Exposes True Identity of Dr. Zibbs!

At last! We finally met. Dizzle, Zibbs, Beeps, Smoochies, Pumpkin Eater and newest member Swedish Chef. It was like that scene in Star Wars The Phantom Menace, when they bring Anakin in front of the Jedi council, except during our meeting a giant light saber fight broke out. I managed to get a few blurry pics of the action. Among them is the infamous Dr. Zibbs. Let me tell you folks, he's a formidable opponent. In addition to looking quite stunning in a purple wig, he and Swedish Chef managed to disrupt the balance of the galaxy when they forced Mercury from its orbit where my dog, thinking it was a ball, ate it.

This all happened after a fab night watching MPW at the Note. Zibbs threatened to show, I snapped my fingers, and whallah! He appeared. We ended up hitting it off and after the show a giant group of us headed back to The Falls at Franklin Pointe (the name of our palatial estate) and had a good ole' time. Zibbs did a great job summing up the night. So be sure to check out That Blue Yak for all the deets.

Now on to the pics:



The battle begins!



Who is that????

FIGHT!!


Time out, where's Mercury?



Found it. Dang, it's chewed.
Now you asked for it!

AHHH!
It's on!

I shall have my revenge!

MPW at The Note - Be There or Face the Wrath of JDizzle

Howdy Townies,

This Friday is not only Old Fashioned Xmas in Dub-C but legendary entertainers Missing Palmer West will be playing at The Note. They are opening for The Shackeltons and Cheers Elephant so get there early (10ish). Tickets at $6 advance and $8 at the door.

See you there.